The Waffle House has joined forces with a phone app to help deliver your packages across the country. The idea is that the move will ensure a more cost-effective delivery channel for moving packages around the country. The thought must also be that there is greater safety in the hand-off of goods because the Waffle House parking lot is a great place to conduct business. Hilarious.
Law enforcement officials are jumping for joy over the prospects of trying to discern exactly what the heck is going on in the recesses of a darkened parking lot adjacent to the trash dumpster. Oh, no worries. It’s just Mrs. Jones handing over her kitchen table and chairs to a guy named Ralph who has a rusted-out pickup truck and a desire to make it to Amarillo by dawn.
Maybe, just maybe, not all apps are a good idea.
UPS and FedEx, beware. Some guy on the street will now be entrusted with a package to go cross-country and ensure safe delivery to its destination. The deal will be struck in the parking lot of an agreed-upon Waffle House. I sense that countless deals have been struck on the parking lot of the local Waffle House, but to hand over a family heirloom to a total stranger for delivery to Gammy in a place far, far away seems just a little farfetched. I’m still laughing. You just can’t make this stuff up.
Comedian Jim Gaffigan must be smiling from ear to ear at the news that the Waffle House corporation will now be using its parking lots as truck terminals for those who can’t afford UPS or FedEx. He’s been handed a goldmine of humor — truly, it must be a dream come true. Hundreds of jokes are waiting to be birthed from this new venture. Honestly, it gives a whole new meaning to the Waffle Houe catchphrase “smothered, covered or chunked.”
Let’s cut to the chase. UPS and FedEx aren’t good choices because…why? Trusted employees who are properly identifiable and bonded? Insured delivery? Speed? Safe drop-off? Effective tracking? Assurance that the party that’s supposed to get the package actually gets it, as evidenced by their signature? What am I missing here?
I get the Waffle House’s involvement. Even more crazy people will show up on their lots. More people hanging out could lead to a second bad decision after you give your box of treasures to Big Mike and his co-pilot Sid (the first bad decision). After all that, it’s time for something to eat. People will make their way in, pull up a stool, point to a picture, and watch the guy in the back cook said food in the picture. He’ll it to a waitress who may or may not have a pack of cigarettes rolled up in her sleeve. She’ll deliver it to you and acknowledge that she’s “never seen you in these parts.” As you dig in, Sid waves from the cab of the flatbed.
Really, this is better than UPS or FedEx at your door?